another summer down...

I've kind of abandoned this blog page. It's basically been about a year since I wrote last time. I believe I was a completely different person, and it's easy to see that looking back on last summer.

This summer...has changed my life. This YEAR has changed my life. God put me through a lot this past year. He needed to get me back, because I lost my sight of Him.

God allowed my heart to be shattered before Him this past year. I was in a bad relationship with somebody who wasn't following God. I lost sight of God because of it. I was deceived. I was bitter. I was lonely. I was following this world. I was broken. It wasn't pretty. And it wasn't fulfilling either. I didn't even know who I had become. I was drinking and going to parties, and trying to find worth in guys, and telling myself that the Christian life just was too boring and that I could try and have both lives. I wasn't committed to God or His church. I hate to think about that. Somehow in December, God got me to Faithwalkers...and He was so evidently drawing me back to Him and speaking loud and clear...

"Megan, it's not too late to choose Me again." So I did. I chose Him again. As much as I turned my back on Him and chose this world, He kept knocking on my heart, He stood there with His open arms. So I was welcomed back by my God and He wasn't mad at me...He rejoiced. That is His heart!

That isn't the end of the story though. It's just the beginning. God and I still had a lot to figure out together. You see, my heart was still hanging onto this guy I thought I couldn't live without. As broken as I was because of this relationship, it was like a drug to me or something. If it was going well, then I was happy. If it was sour, I was so broken. We had been on and off for a year and a half, and had never gotten anywhere. Finally, we were done. Before I knew it, this guy had another girlfriend after he told me to wait for God to bring us together. I felt so betrayed. I had this new awesome relationship with God, and now He was allowing my heart to be ripped out...and it really was the end. You see, everytime before I knew that we would eventually start things up again. It's what we did. But no, I knew this was the end. And I was relieved, but broken all at the same time. I made a deal with God that day. In my letting go completely, and cutting all means of communication off, I wanted God to heal my heart fully in 40 days. It was my own little "fast."

He healed me. My God, My Father, My Comforter healed my heart. He grew me. He disciplined me. He taught me. He challenged me. He FILLED ME WITH NEW JOY, that wasn't based on circumstances. God spared me by getting rid of that relationship. He allowed me to go through with it to learn my need for Him, and to find out who I am in Him.

It has been amazing, this journey. God brought me out here to Provo, Utah this summer. I didn't know anybody super well, except Phil, and I wasn't looking forward to it, honestly. But man, God showed up and exceeded beyond ALL my expectations. He has met my every need this summer. He has become everything to me. I am NOTHING without God, and I have NOTHING without God. I NEED HIM. And He's mine! He's always there for me. He is my peace. It has been such an overwhelming summer, so much to take in, and through the midst of all the chaos, I was sure to walk to that river and talk to my God, and leave with utter peace. That's who my God is. He has redeemed me, sanctified me, changed my heart. Everything good in this life is of God. I have learned that this summer. I have learned that this year. And I only pray that I will continue to grow in my love for Him and knowledge of who He is. I never want to be deceived into thinking that something else will satisfy my heart, I never want to look anywhere else, because He's it. And He's showed me that this summer.

I'm sad to leave Provo. But I rest in knowing that God isn't just here. He is everywhere. He brought me here this summer to get my whole heart. He has it. I don't want it for anybody else. He is coming with me back to Colorado in a week, and He is going to be with me wherever else I go. He holds my hand as we walk through this life together. He knows my heart, and He knows my desires. I now need to remember that God has me where I am at for a specific reason and purpose. He wants to use me. And so wherever He has me at the time being, I want to be all there. I don't want to wish for a different season of life, or a different place even. I want God to lead me. I want God to lead my heart. He gives the best gifts, and He has the best plans. I only ever want to be in the center of His will.

goodbye summer.

i haven't written in this thing in a long long time. summer completely flew by! it's definitely bittersweet seeing as i am ready to get back up to fort collins, but i will miss my girlfriends so much. i just feel like no one will be able to replace them. as they shouldn't...

the weather goes pretty nicely with my mood today. it's an overcast and rainy...i'm not saying i'm in a bad mood at all but pretty sentimental and relaxed and just calm. i've been thinking so much lately. i don't even know where to start. this summer was filled with good and terrible things. i feel like i have lost a lot of people i care about through silly things as i have grown so much closer to such amazing people. it's just crazy how some relationships you think will last forever just don't, or they're just different. isn't that life though...change change change.

i experienced another heartbreak in my life, and almost forgot what it felt like. it's such a growing experience, and i'm still experiencing it...so i have no advice. i'm just learning to let myself be sad if i'm sad, and let God fill my heart with joy because nothing else will do it fully. i'm glad this happened though...especially now. i let my heart grow so far from God this summer, and now before i move back up to fort collins on my own, He is grabbing more and more of my attention. He works that way, you know? i don't ever want Him out of my life though. i can just be so selfish. don't you wish you could snap your fingers and know all the secrets to having a perfect relationship with Christ? i have decided it's supposed to be rocky for a reason...because the times when i don't feel Him near are the times when i know i need Him most. i'm ready for another transformation. please pray for me.

dare i say intelligent design?

i can't even process all the information i just heard from the movie expelled, and from church this morning, and from the truth project every wednesday night. i have a lot of passion about this topic, and i'm not really sure where to start.i guess i just don't understand why evolution and creation are even in competition with one another. i mean, think about it! evolution claims that we have slowly changed throughout time, but have people ever considered what started this slow change?? i mean, where did evolution BEGIN? because it had to begin with something! and even if you believe in the big bang theory there is still a hole in that theory...WHAT "exploded" into a bunch of particles? i mean, something HAD to create that one tiny particle that somehow turned into myself?? it sounds crazy.a lot of scientists say that people are ignorant for believing in creation, or intelligent design...but i don't see how? the thing about intelligent design is that at least it has a beginning...a STARTING point. in the beginning there was God, He always was, always is, and always will be...that's God! we will never be able to fathom his magnificence!it makes me sad that teachers aren't allowed to teach about intelligent design, but it's in the curriculum to talk about evolution...all i'm asking is that if you are going to teach one, you might as well teach the other as well. the problem is, scientists are scared to do that because they don't want to be proven wrong.this is a country that was founded upon FREEDOM. freedom of speech. freedom of religion. we have gone so far away from the origin of this country, which had a firm belief in God and acknoledged Him regularly. now they are trying to take "under God" out of the pledge of allegiance...it's really upsetting. our country is unique because we've been founded upon the beliefs of God! it'd be nice if we could go back to our roots, because this country is far from where we began, and we're slowly watching God being taken out of this country which will lead to hopelessness.

sunshine and trials!

Sunshine. What is it about the sun that makes people so much happier?!

Today was the best day ever...and it was nothing special! It was just warm! I spent my day laying on the grass with Allison eating a delicious Chipotle burrito and drinking iced tea. It was wonderful. Then I walked back to my dorm, went inside and decided I just had to be outside again! So I took PRAISE HABIT by David Crowder and read that outside while basking in the sun. :) It is just the most comforting feeling when you feel the sun on your legs, beating down on you.

It also amazes me that the sun has so much brilliance to that, and God just CREATED that, you know? It really goes to show how powerful God truly is, and how brilliant He really is! He created something so bright that I can't even LOOK at it, without it hurting my eyes! THAT puts things into perspective, for sure!

Also, I'm being tested by God through patience and trust in Him over a phone call I'm waiting for. As much as I'm in anxiety, God is really teaching me to trust Him and His goodness, and believe in His best for me. I learned at church on Sunday that when God tests us, it's like "punishment" a father has on his child, and you should feel glad about it, because it means God loves us, He's my Father and I'm His daughter. I'm glad He loves me enough to not give me everything I want, but to teach me things...so that's what my heart thinks right now.

I want life in every word.

Well, hi. I'm Megan. I decided to start out with telling you folks about me, and my heart. :) I'm generally a very happy girl! I find my joy in God above anything, life would be meaningless without it. I want life in every word. I have a lot of passion for music, and singing is what makes me happiest. I hope to advance the Kingdom of God through music, and love for other people. I hate when people judge people, and I feel like we should leave that to God, the One who has every right to judge because of His perfection.

I have a wonderful family including a mom and dad and two sisters. I'm the middle child. I used to not like it, but now I think it's wonderful being the older AND younger sister. Plus I have two jack russell terrior dogs, Jack and Jill! I like them a lot, and since we're on the topic, I don't dig cats!

I have the best friends in the entire world. I don't know what I would have done without them in High School, they have helped shape the person I am today. My friends are the ones who have helped me grow closer to God, which I will am truly thankful for. The picture here is of most of my best friends at a graduation party. Beautiful girls, huh? :)

I have a heart for people, and issues of this world. I currently have become obsessed with helping out and talking about the genocide, Darfur. I find it very sad that people don't have a problem with killing others, etc. I really just want to change somebody's life. AND change the world. This world needs God, but it's only going to get worse before the rapture...which I also think will happen before I die. When I have an opinion, I'll feel really strongly about it...so I apologize in advance.

And lastly, even though this world is broken and fallen, it's easy for me to find the beauty in it.